#poetry, blog, DailyFix, poemoftheday, musings,

Home, Change and Saying ‘I Do’ to Yourself

It’s been a while (I often seem to begin my posts in this way!). A lot has happened over the last month and a bit. Let’s see…I went home to Nairobi for my sister’s wedding and a desperately needed break, came back and moved to a new city for a new job, and picked up a writing project that I had put down because I was in an awful place mentally and had nothing creative to give. Whilst I was away, I was drafting my thoughts in bits and pieces and so here are some of those thoughts…

On Home….

My God how I needed this trip. To be reminded that my world is not so small. That it contains the absolute beauty of my nephews laughing; the joy and miracle of knowing they are living in the same world I am in. The trust when they look at me and say “hug” or the confidence that I will play with them whenever they want to. In my world, I am an auntie.

My world is not so broken. This year has been filled with pressing weight and anxiety, panic attacks and weeks spent hiding under the covers but still, it is not so broken. I am not so broken. This trip has reminded me that in my house, I am the peaceful one. The one that’s goofy and silly and happy to be childish. That my mother leans on me for strength. And my older brother enjoys my silly humour. That my younger brother turns to me as a confidant, and my older sister loves me despite how often we rub each other wrong, and my sister-in-law enjoys my company. I am many things to the people who love me and know me and those things are worthy.

On Moving

Moving is terrifying. Doing something for just me is terrifying. It’s ironic that I have spent the past six years dealing with some pretty heavy health-related things both personally and with a dear and close family member but this move away from home and alone again makes me feel more scared than I have been in a very long time. Perhaps because I got used to the situation I was in, it wasn’t setting off the alarms in my mind quite so much, but right now, I’m spending a lot of time telling myself to breath easy.

On Saying I Do to Myself…

I share this poem by Caroline Bird, a fantastic poet and writer (I just love her collections!). It says it all really…choose yourself. I’m certainly (slowly and at times painfully) working on it.

Megan Married Herself
Caroline Bird


She arrived at the country mansion in a silver limousine.
She’d sent out invitations and everything:
her name written twice with “&” in the middle,
the calligraphy of coupling.
She strode down the aisle to “At Last” by Etta James,
faced the celebrant like a keen soldier reporting for duty,
her voice shaky yet sure. I do. I do.
“You may now kiss the mirror.” Applause. Confetti.
Every single one of the hundred and forty guests
deemed the service “unimprovable.”
Especially the vows. So “from the heart.”
Her wedding gown was ivory; pointedly off-white,
“After all, we’ve shared a bed for thirty-two years,”
she quipped in her first speech,
“I’m hardly virginal if you know what I mean.”
(No one knew exactly what she meant.)
Not a soul questioned their devotion.
You only had to look at them. Hand cupped in hand.
Smiling out of the same eyes. You could sense
their secret language, bone-deep, blended blood.
Toasts were frequent, tearful. One guest
eyed his wife — hovering harmlessly at the bar — and
imagined what his life might’ve been if
he’d responded, years ago, to that offer in his head:
“I’m the only one who will ever truly understand you.
Marry me, Derek. I love you. Marry me.”

At the time, he hadn’t taken his proposal seriously.
He recharged his champagne flute, watched
the newlywed cut her five-tiered cake, both hands
on the knife. “Is it too late for us to try?” Derek whispered
to no one, as the bride glided herself onto the dance floor,
taking turns first to lead then follow.

#poetry, blog, DailyFix, poemoftheday, musings,

SOMETIMES LET GO…A LIFE-LESSON

Toa Heftiba @heftiba

Hello! Another long few months of silence but never fear, I yet live! I’ve had the intention to post at least once a month over the last few months but alas, the best laid plans of mice and men and all that… it has not quite worked out that way. Life has been tough and kicking my butt quite a bit over the last two months but still…we persevere.

I think a lot of the experiences we go through, however difficult, at the very least give us the chance to learn something about ourselves and how we go through the world. Whilst thinking of this over the last two months, I realised I have a habit of holding on too hard and too long to things I should let go of. And this inspired the following…

Sometimes Let Go

Sometimes let go. Sometimes leave.
Sometimes take the option with the least amount of pain.
Sometimes run. Far and fast and with everything
you can salvage after the war you’ve been fighting.
Sometimes let go. Leap and dive into the unknown
Because what you’re leaving behind is worse than
What you might meet on your way.
So let go.

There are times when taking care of you, your mental health, and your peace means walking away, even when you don’t want to. And that’s okay.

#poetry, DailyFix, poemoftheday, musings,

REMEMBER THE GOOD…

Hello! It has been so long. Over a month in fact. I hope you’re all good. I won’t lie, the last month and a bit has been quite overwhelming between work and home and living. I’m sat in the office finalizing several things for a conference and it’s late. It’s been raining all day and both my mood and anxiety are ticking over towards a kind of doom and gloom that matches the torrential rain and grey skies outside.

For whatever reason, my mind has decided that today is not A Good Day. But that’s okay. I’ve spent most of my day at my desk attempting to breathe easy and although it doesn’t feel so great, I’m reminded of a phrase I wrote a while back in an old poem. It is about goodness, about gratefulness and about those moments like today when you’re fighting to breath easy.

Remember the good. Remember strength.
Remember that hope does not diminish
even when it feels absent.

This is currently my creed. I’m hoping for a better, easier month than the one I’ve had. And in case these words might resonate with you, I offer them up for the moment. Be kind to yourself this month.

#poetry, blog, DailyFix, poemoftheday, musings,

What I’m Reading and Where I’ve Been…

Hello! It’s been such a long while since I was here. Almost three months…phew. The end and start of the year is always a tough one for me, so I tend to disappear into a blanket fort with books and chocolate aplenty close to hand. For that reason, things have been quiet –although the buying of books, and the reading of poetry has not diminished!

It’s the start of another month and this one brings with it something old and something new to dive into. I’m looking forward to reading some new collections I have bought and been gifted with over the last few months! Especially this glorious collection by one of my favourite poets and performers! Nafeesa Hamid’s Besharam. is out now and available to order! Highly recommended…

So, friends…I might be a little late to the party (this is nothing new, I’m *always* late!) but I’m eager to see what this year brings. What words will have me scrabbling for my stickynotes so I can pin them to the wall; what new and amazing poets and poems will come my way. And more importantly, how many more of you I get to talk to and with about my love of this wonderful art form!

Stay awesome,

Rehema.